My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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