i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
