you traded sex for a burrito?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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