Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
The power of my boobs compel you
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
