I wanna bring you to show and tell
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
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