I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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