So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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