i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
