Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
