My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
