Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
