Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Randomize
