my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
