The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize