So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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