You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
