I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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