I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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