omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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