What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
