My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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