I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Panties = found
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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