I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
It's official drugs can't kill me
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize