Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
