ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
