My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
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