I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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