it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
