she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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