I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
