His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
