Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
