I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
babies were throwing up all over the place
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Randomize
