i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
