I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
