So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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