I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
