captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
