I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize