ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
