guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize