i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Randomize