bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
