I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
