meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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