Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Why did my mother make you get naked?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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