i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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