it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize