worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
