Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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