I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
