i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
