I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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