I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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