I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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