picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
