im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
