i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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