flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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