last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
