It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
