I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
