she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
