Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
