I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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