anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
