you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
4 words: hood of his car
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
