i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
