There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
We have started to decorate penises.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
