..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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