so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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