I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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