dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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