"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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