i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
