Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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