i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize