I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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