I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
