I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
