You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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