Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Two words: blizzard sex
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
