Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
