break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize