At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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