I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize