hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
