"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i barfeds in our rink
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
