my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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