btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
