He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize