hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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