Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
