I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
We have so much sex to catch up on
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
