i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
