dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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