I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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